Hey friends,

My son is in the process of making post-secondary decisions. He’s got three excellent and very different university choices. As a typical teenage-boy worth his salt, he recoils at the idea of me giving advice. And I definitely try to stay away from being “helpy-helpy.”

That said, as a mother worth my salt, of course I have advice. And my big advice to him about making the selection?

Choose community.

“But Julia” you might be thinking, “isn’t post-secondary education about academics? Isn’t your undergrad about setting yourself up for your career? Shouldn't your advice be about picking the program with the best grad rates? The best profs? The most rigorous scholarship?”

And I’d say - yeah, kinda.

Sure, that stuff is important. But in addition to all those things, and maybe even above all those things, I think it’s important to find a place where you can feel part of, and grow into, a community.

Why the focus on community?

• Community is where you can meaningfully make and do things together with other people
• Community can help you feel lifted-up
• Community can be filled with good mentors, who will see your potential and challenge you with goodness
• When things are frustrating, you can turn to your people for compassion, kindness and even a little tough love. You can also treat yourself this way.

Of course, I am talking about community in the ideal sense. Not all communities are going to be like this, and when you find yourself in such a not-so-uplifting-meaningful-active community, then it’s often best to move on.

But for the most part, community is where you find your people, and it helps shape the kind of life you want to live.

We are living in a world filled with loneliness. Where people feel more and more isolated, burnt-out, disconnected.

I mean, once your basics are covered - the food, shelter, fresh water, enough money to cover these things - isn’t community next on the list?

So, to those that might advise that your undergrad experience is supposed to be about academic rigour, my response continues to be: yeah kinda.

Yes, it can be amazing to be challenged academically and grow intellectually. And, frankly, that could be your community - what lifts you up, where you feel challenged, and where you can contribute meaningfully! How cool!

Regardless of what turns your crank, it can be helpful to consider big decisions with this idea in mind - does it give me the opportunity to be in good community?

Find your community, my peeps.

Julia

Julia Gray, PhD

​Website | Instagram | LinkedIn​

• award-winning writer, researcher, teacher
• mentored hundreds of students & clients
• playwright, theatre creator
• chocolate devotee, Mum of 2, ex-bun-head

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